PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE
“God, if I am not married by the time Charlie is 5 years old; I don’t think I am going to do it.”
I remember praying this prayer one night, even though it was a silly prayer, it was what was on my heart. Begging GOD to introduce me to the man that I will one day call my husband, but I wanted it on my time. I wish I could tell you that during my singleness I have been full of hope, but I cannot, because I would be lying. While there has been hope there has also been a lot of questioning God’s reasons and discouragement, doubt, and fear. I can’t tell you how many times I lay awake at night feeling unsettled, reasoning with God over my love life, wondering if it will ever happen, fighting the temptation to take matters into my own hands and make it happen myself, and then questioning why God would place such a huge desire on my heart to become a wife if he only wanted me to wait a lifetime as it seems in my mind.
For anyone that knows me well you know that I have a huge heart, and I do think that I have a lot to offer. I haven’t always been that way. My past is full of struggle and bad decisions, ones that have brought me through journeys of forgiveness, grace, redemption, and journeys of healing. I have lost and loved. I have tried to force it to happen myself, tired of waiting, tired of dreaming, and tired of holding onto hope, as the months and years pass by and many unanswered questions still remain. I long for a breakthrough, struggle to find a meaningful purpose, and wonder when God will finally bring the right man into my life to love and be loved in return. Sometimes I still wish that God would work on my timeframe and not on his timetable.
There have been many times that I have pleaded with God to reach down and move in my life, to speak to me in a way that my heart desires and understands, to shine a light in my dark path. When I go to him with my discouragement, questions, he usually doesn’t reveal anything right then, but he always brings me hope and gives me the strength I need to keep on going, and I still hear his quiet voice saying “Britany, my child, just wait” and so that is what I do. I wait patiently. It is the period of waiting before my God does some of his greatest works in my life.
It’s so easy to lose patience while waiting, especially when it seems to be a never-ending waiting game, but looking back and seeing God’s faithfulness in my life gives me the strength and courage that I need to hang on and be patient. He has brought me this far, so I know he will finish what he has started in my life.
Maybe one day I will get it right, but that day hasn’t come yet. I am a strong believer and have a strong desire in my heart that has only grown stronger over the years with my walk with God.
“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her” Luke 1:45
